


Safest In The Dark

by likezoinxman



Series: Monster In The Dark [4]
Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likezoinxman/pseuds/likezoinxman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months later and Carlos is still left in the dark about what happened between Logan, James and Kendall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safest In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://shishi-fic.livejournal.com/) at my LJ

Carlos’ eyes snapped open and for a second he felt disoriented, not sure what was going on, where he was or what had prompted him to wake up at all. Someone whimpered behind him and he flipped over on his bed, staring into the darkness towards Logan’s bed.

“Logan,” he whispered loudly but Logan only let out another small noise of distress. Carlos pushed himself up and called out again. The only response he got was Logan letting out a small strangled “No, please,” and before he knew it, Carlos was out of bed and striding towards Logan’s.

He quickly flicked Logan’s lamp on and watched him for a second. He wasn’t sure if waking Logan up was the right thing to do but Logan whimpered again. Carlos noticed the way his fingers were gripping his bedsheets, hair was plastered across his forehead with sweat, a pained expression on his face and reached out without another thought. He grabbed Logan’s shoulder, shaking him roughly. “Logan, wake up!”

Logan woke almost immediately, eyes wide and the way he scrambled away from Carlos would’ve been funny if it weren’t for the raw terror Carlos could see in his eyes. He reached out slowly to touch Logan’s shoulder, only to snatch his hand away when the other boy flinched away from him violently.

“Logan, it’s me. Carlos, alright? You’re okay, now.” Logan seemed to calm down as he spoke, eyes clearing and shoulders relaxing. Carlos watched him worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Logan took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Ye-yeah, I’m fine. Just a dream.” He shook his head and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Sorry.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

Logan shook his head. “No, not really.”

Carlos frowned and placed his hand on Logan’s shoulder. Logan tensed but didn’t flinch away so Carlos kept his hand there, letting it rest there, warm and reassuring, letting Logan know he was there if he needed him.

Logan looked up at him and smiled briefly, there and gone before it even registered as such. “I’m fine, Carlos. Really.”

Carlos stared at Logan for a long moment before he nodded. “Okay,” he said and shuffled back to his bed, laying down and pulling the covers around him. He curled up under them and watched as Logan turned off the light and then listened as he got comfortable again.

It was a lie but he knew Logan would only deny it if he tried to call him out on it. Nothing was fine. Not anymore. Everything felt _wrong_ now. Logan was quiet and withdrawn, Kendall always seemed tense and on edge, and James was always so _angry_.

Carlos hated it. He hated the terse silences he had to sit through, trying to fill it with as much idle chatter as he could until he ran out of words. He hated the way it took pretty much every annoying habit he had to get Logan to finally snap at him. He hated how James never seemed to smile anymore. He hated the way Kendall would randomly come up to him and squeeze his shoulder or ruffle his hair with a quiet smile on his face.

But what he hated the most was not knowing. He wasn’t stupid. He knew something had happened between the other three. Something they wouldn’t tell him about. But he watched. Watched the way Kendall always seemed to place himself between Logan and James, watched the angry and hated looks James sent Kendall’s way, the way Logan barely looked anyone in the eyes anymore, the way he flinched when people touched him when he wasn’t expecting it.

He tried to not let it affect him, to try to be as normal as possible so that they wouldn’t see how hard it was for him being left out. He felt like they were all drifting away from him and there was nothing he could do about it. He tried so hard to keep a tight grip on them, to keep them close because if they left him then what would happen to him? He wasn’t smart, clever or cool like the others. He was just Carlos. He wouldn’t know what to do without them.

But sometimes he felt exhausted and he just wanted to give up. Nothing seemed to get better no matter how much he tried. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t give up on his friends because they wouldn’t give up on him. He wasn’t Kendall though, he couldn’t pull people to him like Kendall could, didn’t know the right words to say to motivate people.

And then other times, he felt panicked and ended up doing something more outrageous than he normally would so everyone would focus on _him_ instead of whatever was tearing them apart inside. It worked only for a short while, just long enough for the haunted look to leave Logan’s face as he reprimanded him, for James to forget his anger and laugh. It never lasted but those brief moments of normalcy were well worth the property damage if you asked Carlos.

But mostly he worried about Logan.

——

The next night, Carlos was the one having bad dreams. He woke up with his heart pounding, skin damp with sweat and his legs tangled in his sheets. He laid in bed until his heart had calmed down and the images from his dream had faded then sat up, wrestling with his blankets until he was free. He swung his legs around and felt around on the floor until he found his helmet. Quietly settling it on his head, he felt a little bit better. But still he got to his feet and covered the short distance to Logan’s bed, flicking on the small lamp. He blinked quickly until his eyes adjusted to the light and then bit his lip, watching Logan sleeping soundly. He felt guilt warring with his unease. He knew he was being stupid. It was just a dream. He shouldn’t wake Logan up for his silly troubles.

But he couldn’t stand being alone right then.

“Logan,” he whispered loudly, placing his hand on Logan’s arm to shake him gently. Logan just grumbled in his sleep and rolled over. “Logan, please,” he pleaded, shaking Logan again.  
Logan finally woke up, sitting up quickly and staring at Carlos blindly for a second before his eyes cleared. “What is it?”

“I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?”

He saw Logan’s eyes widen, fear flashing briefly across his expression before he seemed to shake it off. “Um, ye-yeah, alright,” he said and shuffled over on the bed.

Carlos let out a huge sigh of relief and quickly climbed in, settling his head on Logan’s pillow. The helmet made lying down slightly uncomfortable but he didn’t want to take it off, the weight of it familiar and comforting. He looked up at Logan who was watching him warily, chewing on his bottom lip before he settling down next to Carlos, curled towards him.

Carlos turned over quietly and turned off the lamp before he turned back towards Logan, mirroring his position. Their knees touched gently under the blankets and that small contact alone was enough to put Carlos at ease. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes, trying to relax.

“What did you dream about?”

Carlos opened his eyes slowly but he couldn’t see anything. Logan was just a dark shadow. He almost reached out to touch him but resisted, closing his hand into a fist instead. He thought about not answering the question but unlike Logan, Carlos had no secrets.

“You,” he said softly. He heard Logan’s breath catch at the small word but otherwise didn’t respond. After a moment of silence, Carlos continued, “You were breaking and I couldn’t put you back together fast enough.” He closed his eyes as he remembered the feeling of helplessness throughout his dream.

Logan’s hand closed around his own and squeezed. “I’m okay, Carlos.”

“No, you’re not. You think I’m stupid but I’m not. I know something happened but you won’t tell me so I don’t know how to fix it.”

“There’s nothing to fix. This is something that only time can heal, Carlos. You’re better off not knowing, okay?”

“Is it that horrible?”

He heard Logan swallow in the dark and the rustle of Logan nodding. “Yes,” he choked out and then took a deep shaky breath. “I’d rather die before I let you find out.”

Carlos clutched onto Logan’s hand. “Logan,” he started but didn’t know what else to say so he just repeated it softly, squeezing Logan’s hand tight enough to hurt.

Logan laughed softly, the sound brittle and sharp. “I’m protecting you, Carlos. Please let me do that, at least.”

“But who’s going to protect you?”

Logan was quiet for so long that Carlos was sure he’d gone back to sleep but just as he was about to close his eyes and try to do the same, Logan spoke, the words barely above a whisper and full of sadness. “It’s too late for me.”

Carlos didn’t know what to say and his heart ached for Logan. He wished he could figure out what had happened, what James had done because it had been James. He at least knew that much. But he couldn’t think of anything that James could’ve done that was so horrible, couldn’t imagine James doing _anything_ horrible enough to make Logan sound like that.

With a frustrated sigh, he squeezed Logan’s hand and tried to find comfort in the answering squeeze. He wouldn’t give up. He’d find out what happened and then he’d do his best to fix whatever it was. He knew he could do it. He _had_ to. For Logan, if nothing else.


End file.
